ミ●﹏☉ミ

So yeah hey, I am fine now, literally living :) 

Okay, so it has been hard for me to process my emotions and feelings. I can not understand myself only it's pissing me off. I get irritated easily, but it's not like me. It's like I am a different person, and I don't like this new person. Umm am I even making sense? *Raanjhana in bg* 

I am arguing with people for no cause, fighting with mum, and staying away from family. These deadly thoughts are so worse. Duh, sometimes I think why do I have such an ability to think about things in deep? I don't freaking want it. I want to be normal. I don't want an extraordinary life I just want to be happy and at peace :) this is what I am asking for. But I ain't getting it soon ig. 

The only fun moment for weeks has been me watching CID. I am planning to wake up early in the morning and drinking water and meditating later having black coffee and studying ig. *mai pershaan on loop in bg*

I wanted to share something;-; it's like I don't know, I just feel like hugging him tight and crying and staying there. But that's not possible even in million years. Like rn. And just want to express everything I feel. But I can't figure out it myself. And I know he knows the solution but idk the problem? Wired right?

Argh! Let me live goddamn feelings, please? Mai pershaan, mai pershaan mai pershaaannnnnn hehe

I don't know what I feel anymore -_-

I love you and love you and aahhhh! Fine.

I do! 💗

Next day:+

Also, I know now that focusing on myself was making me unhappy and I think that's because we live in a culture that promotes self-love at every turn, and that works for some people, it's extremely helpful for some but me, I have always naturally tented not to take care of myself(not so much but yeah), to put myself after others, so when I make choices that will bring happiness to myself I always end up less happy, focusing on others brings me legitimate joy so that works for me. It's still a struggle, I do find myself getting caught up in myself a little too often but I am trying :)